Please note, I have used the male pronoun to describe these sterotypes. It just makes it easier to type up. Females definitely fall into these stereotypes too. After all, it’s an Equal Opportunity world.
The Long Hours Guy
The dude just can’t find time to go home. He has too much to do and too little time. He hardly ever takes vacation and bases his entire self-worth on the sheer number of hours he puts in at work. He likes to complain to others about the insane hours and how he has way too many projects right now. He definitely has an elevated sense of self-importance, and believes that his hard-working image sets him apart from others. What a crock.Get a life dude!
The Do-Nothing Guy
You know who I’m talking about here. There’s always some guy who gets a decent paycheck that pretty much does absolutely nothing. His job function is mysterious, and everyone tries to figure out how he gets away with it. He has inexplicably ingrained himself into the organization by having no responsibility or accountability, and yet is retained by the company while other more assiduous and competent employees are let go. Tell us how you do it Do-Nothing Guy!
How Do I Use Outlook Guy
Almost every executive falls into this category. They have a computer, but have no inkling of how it actually works. Creating a distribution list is amazingly complicated and confusing for these individuals, a task that is often delegated to someone else in the department. They can’t use any of the basic or standard office software and usually ask for printed copies so they can read the information. You gotta be kidding me? Get your kids to show you how a computer works!
Mr. Dinosaur
A relative of Outlook Guy, but must fall into the “old” category of your company. Is extremely resistant to change and likes to talk about accomplishments from 30 years ago and “how they used to do things.” Pretty much steals everyone else’s ideas and pawns them off as his own. Never does any of the work and tries to delegate because of his seniority. The guy should retire but chooses not to. Dude, no one cares what you did 30 years ago, retire already so someone much more deserving can move up!
Know-It-All Newbie
This fresh college grad. comes into the company thinking about all the amazing things they’re going to do and accomplish at the company. They are extremely idealistic and naive. Many times, they don’t know when to just shutup and listen. Their conversation and life revolves around texting, episodes showing on MTV, their current boyfriend/girlfriend, and their new car. News flash: the system will break you down and no one cares about how drunk you got last weekend.
Talks Too Much Guy
Dude never knows when to shut his yap. You’re afraid to say good morning to him for fear that he might launch into a 30 minute conversation about his kid’s soccer game. Talks incessantly about trivial matters that are of no interest to anyone. You avoid him like the plague but sometimes you get cornered in the breakroom. Dude, no one cares about your inane conversation!
Fell-Off-a-Garbage-Truck Guy
This co-worker always has that disheveled look about him. He seems to be slightly confused all the time and you think he steals his clothes from the homeless. His desk is also very messy and you can’t imagine what his car and home must look like. The guy also tends to wear clothes that are extremely out of date, making him the poster boy for some sort of poor, retro-worker who has lost touch with the times. Dude, just buy some new threads already!
Workout Guy
Easily identifiable by the empty cans of protein shakes at his work station. Talks about his bench press and squat numbers to reiterate his place on the totem pole of manhood. Wears shirts and pants that are just a little too tight to accentuate his overdeveloped physique. Can’t let go of the past when his team almost won state. Dude, put down the weights and start working on that one-dimensional personality!
The Office Looker
The Narcissus of your company who is good-looking and knows it. Always dressed fashionably and spends money like a Rockefeller. Believes that his looks will carry him forward in his quest to become CEO. It’s all about the appearance and no expense is spared to look good. Extremely gifted in social situations and women always laugh at his ridiculous jokes. Dude, save it for the ladies, the workplace isn’t a bar!
The Ass-Kisser
No elaboration needed here. Serves as the boss’s personal lap dog. Dude, grow a spine!
5:34 pm
Well said.